Heartsick....;(

2.5 years ago, when I moved from a castle to a matchbook, I put my childrens memories into my Moms garage.
I had no room for their scrapbooks.
I didnt account for moisture which led to mildew and 21 years of lost memories. It ate thru my albums, it eroded pictures that I will NEVER ever ever ever ever ever ever be able to replace. Did I mention ever?

Yesterdays post was a cryptic message about distance.
You had no way of knowing exactly what kind of distance, as it included a critter dressed as a squirrel....
but it was the kind of distance that I didnt know how to quite put into words. Distance that didnt grow fonder with time.

I kept thinking, if I distance myself from how bad the damage was, then I wouldn't keep going thru the intense sadness that creeped into my soul & made me heartsick every time I looked thru my poor albums.
My poor, ruined, mutilated albums.
But more so, my poor-ruined-mutilated-memories.

Gone. Just like that....Poof!
Its written that goodbyes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good & bad will bring tears and words can never replace feelings.
For right now, I dont even have the words for how I feel......

Other than heartsick. Im. so. heartsick.