December 24, 2009

Happy Merry Ho Ho Ho

I cant believe its Christmas 2009.
And in One year, O months, O days, it will be Christmas again. And you know how fast that goes.
But here I am using the word 'Twas' .....
Twas the Night before Christmas, and all thru the house, not a creature was stirring (except the dog), not even a mouse.

(There better NOT be mice around here, eeek!)
My stockings were hung by the chimney with care (I dont have a chimney, shut up!) In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be here.....(Well.....Hello fat man in the red suit, may I sit on thee lap? wink*wink)
The teenagers were nestled all snug in their beds, with threats of punishment to shut OFF the Ipods, dancing thru their heads.
Momma (I think thats me) in her kerchef and I in my cap
(wait, wait, thats me)
had just settled down for a long winters nap. (Who does that anyway?)
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see which drunken neighbor had caused the matter.
Away to the window, I flew like a flash (I really dont move that fast, I'll pull a muscle or something traumatic), tore open the shutters & threw up the sash. (WTH is a sash?)
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
(And, no............................... I have NOT started drinking. Yet.)
But a miniature sleigh & 8 tiny reindeer.
With a lil ol' driver, so lively & quick, I knew in a moment it had to be
St. Nick. (Alright, enough, now.
Where is the lemon & salt, with that tequila I asked for?)

Ok, ok, I'll dont beg.
Christmas really IS my favorite time of year....
A time for feasting, giving, receiving, believing and magic.
Theres always a magical quality in the air around this time, I do love that. I especially love how my 20 year old son, shoddily wrapped Christmas gifts this year.
He tried to STAPLE the gift bags closed. Ahh....yes. yes.
I just smiled and reminded myself, this is why men and women are NOT created equal.
Just watch a man try to wrap gifts.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!

December 14, 2009

Vampires & Lungs...........

What do you get when you cross a
Vampire with Pneumonia?
My daughters, Haleigh and Lauren...

Ok, ok...allow me to back up, because this is so NOT making sense right?

Lauren has a bad patch on her left lung that loves to go into pneumonia.
Why? Because it can, I spose. Why else? To make our lives hell, who knows.....because life cant be easy. Because God said..."Let there be hell on earth"....I dont know, I dont have all the answers, sheesh!
So, we are back to the doctor, I think I just need to bring my bed next time, with me. Set it up in the back. Would that be strange?
Antibiotics, steroids, breathing treatments if this cant get a hold on itself...Poor Lauren :(
Then God spoke and She said, "I shall turneth Haleigh into a pale
ghost- like phantom-apparition"
Poof! Done. Your wish is granted.
Ok, ok, so it didnt really go like that, but the child is pale. Phantom like.
White. Ok, ok, we all know she's white, but THIS white? Geez.
And THIS tired? Whats wrong with you child? You should be full of rum & liquor, I mean vim & vigor....well. You. Know. What. I. Mean.
So, I drag her butt back into the doctor (and, why didnt I bring my bed? *scratches head*) Well, see....she's got this eensy weensy itty bitty tinesy winsey hole in her heart. Its not a HUGE deal, but its enough of a deal, to not allow the blood flow from her heart to her brain when she stands, and well.....thump. There she goes. She blacks out. Syncope.
She'll outgrow it.
In the interim, it makes her funky.
Describe funky. Well, funky is this pale, ghost, phantom like child that tires easy and is losing months of her childhood.
Its not fair, I scream, its not fair ! ! !
Ohh, shut up Lori, who on earth told you life would EVER be fair?
Its almost like one big fat joke. But if lifes a joke, I sure DONT get it, do you?
I know, I know, stop torturing yourself, Lori.
Life will do it FOR YOU....
Ok, ok, I know I know. Something positive you say...
Start living with the glass half full, blah blah blah....
But honestly, life really is like a trampoline........
A cement trampoline.
The End.