July 23, 2009

I swear, it was going to eat my face off.....

I swear. And I dont swear often.
Ok, ok, so I do, but I'm trying to quit-
Cut me some slack, sheesh, I swear. Ooops, there I go again...daggumit anyway.
So, I'm travelin down the road, taking my son to work, there is a light mist
out, and I used my wipers once maybe twice.
We're chattin....still chattin....about a mile in, is when I SEE IT.
Its long and its mean & its green. And its looking at me.

What is IT?
IT is a Praying Mantis...I swear that sucker was at least 4 ft. long.
Ok, so maybe 4"....but you weren't there, so dont hate.

And its sitting right ON my dash, which in turn made me about wreck my car!!!
Thank God, I am now passing the Fire Station, because if this thing eats me, then I am close to help.

Now, if you know anything about Praying Mantis(s), I dont know
what they are praying about, but I am certain its praying about eating my face off.
And by the way, dont they kill after they've mated ????
If this thing thinks I AM her mate, then I'm assuming its an instant death.
I've never mated with an insect, and I dont plan on starting now.

It crossed my mind, that the thing was dead, because even the windshield wipers wasn't making her move 1 little hairy leg. Tim claps towards it, I'm totally freaking out and making some sort of odd screaming sounds, that even I haven't heard before. I swear.

Now....she decides to move one of her legs, ever so slightly, so I am threatening Tim, that if he claps again, and this thing lands on my face, and then eats me, I will NOT be able to pick him up from work.
He will have to find a ride home. I swear.

Somehow, someway, I made it to Tims work, I put that car into park,
jumped outta that car soo fast, I must have looked like Wonder Woman.
Where is she after all? I mean, I totally digged her outfit and all her power, I definately wanted to BE Wonder Woman....Didn't she wear red boots?

What does this have to do with the Praying Mantis eating my face off?

Nothing at all.

So, Im out of the car, dancing & screaming.....
and Tim is being all big & bad (because he has the need to impress the new girlfriend, who is at work, and POSSIBLY watching out the window)
Yah, umm...right, anyway....
His "man plan" is to scoop this thing up in his hand, and toss it out the door.
So he reaches in, to go for the scoop, when IT MOVES and now we have Tim freaking out !! Yah...nice man plan, lol....Sheesh, I swear.

So, thank the Good Lawd I have kleenex and LOTS of it, because Plan (A) to scoop it up, which didnt work. So Plan (B) is to use the kleenex to coax it out of the car and back into the world, but Plan (B) failed and all I heard was a big S-P-L-A-T !!

So instead of having the usual dust on my car dash, I now have
bug guts and its stinking.
Have you EVER smelled bug guts? Its gross, so DONT.
Whew, the initial problem is solved, but as I'm driving home, all I can think about, is the fact, that more Praying Mantis could be hiding in my car, and they are all talking, praying and planning to eat my face off.

I get home, and Google, Praying Mantis.
Did you know they can turn their heads 180 degrees?
Holy crap. They use their front legs, to snare their victim, with reflexes soo quick, the naked eye cant see it happen.

What is it about the word naked eye, that makes me giggle?
Teehee.....naked. Eye....*giggle*

So, back to my purpose, their legs have spikes for snaring prey and pinning it in place.

And as you know, they also eat their mate either during sex, or shortly thereafter, but that does NOT deter the males from reproduction.

Pffftt.....go figure.
Imagine that. I will not even GO there, because we all know
what MEN and SEX equal.
Well you all know the answer to that question.....

But if us Women were smart, and started taking the Praying Mantis's advice, we'd all EAT our mates and be MUCH HAPPIER.

Sheesh. I swear.

July 15, 2009

Around and around we go.........

WOW....what incredibly fun is this piece??
I was soo insipired by my new copy of SBS Wire Jewelry Summer 2009--
and not only did it inspire ME, but my daughter (Haleigh) ended up torching
herself for almost 3 hours yesterday !!! It was definately a creative type of day.
I LOVE those days, dont you?
A HUGE thank you goes out to Kerry Bogert for designing such a fun way to
use glass discs, and for helping to make the most AWESOME-NESS RING's around!
I will post more pictures later, but cant you just see this ring on YOUR finger?
Oh, no doubt, so do I!
You know you want one......
Go ahead....Splurge, they are only $14.00 W/FREE S&H.
You deserve it.....and I'm having WAY too much fun making them.
This should be illegal.....but its not...so off I go, to make MORE!!!
I'll Be Back (*insert best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice*)

July 2, 2009

Why it's Pinocchio!!!

Do I even need to caption this photo?
Honestly, do I?
For some reason............
I think it speaks for itself.
Where IS Geppetto when
you need him??

Timothy Nicolls (circa 2009*)

July 1, 2009

Outsmarting the Shedding

So, Miss Kady Dog, has this habitual habit of jumping in my laundry basket. Although she loves dirty laundry *ewww*, she has NO problem hopping into a basket of freshly folded clean towels. She does not discriminate...clean OR dirty.
I swear this dog has jack-rabbit feet. Her jumping capabilities for a long hot dog body impress me, and I'm not easily impressed. The laws of gravity do not apply to this dog, because anything THAT long, should be UNable to jump that high.
Now, if you know anything about Dachshund's, they are burrowers. Kady loves to bury her stuffed animals, herself (in laundry), well....you get the picture. AND, its shedding season.
Now I love this little hot dog, but when its shedding season, and your burrowed down IN, my CLEAN freshly laundered towels, well.....Houston, we have a problem.
And its not just clean laundry she's dirty-ing, but laying on MY white pillowcase, while I work at my computer which is in the bedroom. OK, why is it, every time I turn around, I see little black hairs EVERYWHERE? Umm...yaah.....NOT good for my O.C.D.
So, I got smart and decided to wear black while taking the dog on a walk.
Kady wears black, and so shall I!
Haa! I have outsmarted this forever shedding wiener....
When lo & behold, as we are walking, she spots a Chihuahua.
This is like a 1 pound dog OK? I'm now talking to Kady, explaining to her, that we are NOT afraid of 1 pound dogs. She's NOT listening.
She's jumping up, and she jumps HIGH, remember? If she could talk, she'd be screaming, "Mom....Mom....M-O-T-H-E-R pick me up. I demand to be picked UP!"
So, I give in, NOT because I feel sorry for her, but ....well.....I don't know, stop badgering me!
Now, you remember I have outsmarted the shedding problem by wearing a black shirt, right?
The dog is black, right?
Umm, yaahh....not soo smart.
When we get home, I take one look at my nice new black shirt...........
And I'm COVERED with WHITE hair from her underbelly.
I'm sure that I'm covered in black hairs too, I just cant see them.
So much for outsmarting the dog.
I'm sure that lil' 1 pound Chihuahua is still laughing at us both.