January 24, 2011

Where should I put my gum?


So, my best friend took me out for lunch.
Usually we just have coffee, but if were feeling adventurous, we'll add in good food at like a Panera bread or something casual.
Note, the word casual. A step up from Taco Bell or Wendys, but honestly if you talk as much as WE can talk, food just gets in the way.
But not that day. Oh nooo....not that day.

She drove, which placed me at her mercy. I put my big girl pants on though, and didn't complain. Hey! Gas isn't cheap dude.
Plus it gave us more time to converse...and trust you me, we can TALK.
She didn't tell me where we were going, but since it involved food,
I didnt dare complain. I sucked it up, considering she drove AND was taking me out for lunch.

It was all good. Then she pulled into the joint.

Now mind you, if I had known we were going someplace fancy-schmancy I would have dressed the part. But oh no....I had on a hooded sweatshirt and green crocs. Oh, and a baseball cap. She had on jeans and was having a bad hair day. We were a match made in heaven.
When we walked in the really large doors, that actually felt more like 4 regular size doors, all I see are men in suits and stuffy women in high heels. With fancy hairdo's and high polished fingernails.
*sticks finger down throat*

And this is no please-seat-yourself style joint. This is no buffet or wipe your mouth on the back of yer hand place.
Oh nooo....its a dab the corner of your mouth with fresh white linens place.
And Im chewing gum. Damn.

We are escorted to our seats while our waitress mixes some type of fancy oil with fancy parmesean cheese and tells us how to dip our fancy bread.
I thought for certain, she was going to feed it to us as well. She points out the wine list and asks us what type of beverage we prefer....

Can I just get a water?
And do you serve bottomless fries with that? All while, Im frantically searching the table for some type of paper product that I can put my chewing gum in. Nothing. Damn.

I can feel the heat rising from the inside of my hoodie, flushing my cheeks. I lay the white linen napkin on my lap cuz I'm a proper girl, and my Momma raised me right.
I mentioned to my best friend, that I am way under-dressed all while thinking how I didnt fit in, because my toenails weren't painted.

Finally, I said...."Pssstt...Betha...were should I put my gum?
Theres no where to put it, do you think I should just swallow it....?"

She laughs and says, "Neh, just stick it under the table"
I love that best friend of mine.


hrmustang said...

hilarious! I know exactly how it feels to be in one of those awkward moments and am definitely not a fan... I love your blog though, super creative and fun!

Lorin said...

Aww thanks hrmustang...
If you invite me to dinner, I cross my heart that I wont put my gum under your table...

me and you said...

hahaha... just put under the tablie...huhu